Our first Australian Spring.

Of all the things we have experienced thus far in Canberra;
The seasons are remarkable. It is mid October, a few weeks into Spring.
The Floriade Event in Canberra truly brings the beauty of flowers in the thousands.
We've never seen anything like it. It attracts thousands of people all over Australia. It's a privilege to have it minutes away. The air here, especially after a gentle Spring rain, is fragrant with fresh flowers and plants. Scroll down to the bottom of this page to see some images from Floriade.
I can't quite imagine what Christman during the Australian summer will be like.
Right now, it's a full moon and floral carpeted gardens which capture my fancy.

Living in Australia

We moved to the Capital of Australia last June.
What a wonderful place to live and grow at this stage of life.
The trees and land are like nothing I've ever seen. Colors of blue-grey and others of ochre and copper and tan. I'll always remember the first time we saw a "mob" of kangaroos in the wild! Wonderful! Canberra (pronounced /ˈkænbɹə/[3]) is the capital city of Australia. With a population of over 340,000, it is Australia's largest inland city.(from wikipedia)Thanks to Kelli Hughes for the information.
While it is a very well planned urban area which keeps traffic moving with a series of roundabouts, you can be surrounded by wilderness in 20 minutes by heading outward from the center of the city.
I have been here 2 months now, and am still learning the lay of the land.
There is lots to see, and even more top learn.
Australian culture has a flavor all its own, it is an acquired taste for some.
The people here are a blend of proper and quirky behaviors.
One thing for sure is they LOVE sports. (More to learn there as well)
Suddenly, baseball seems "exotic".
I'm still a New England girl from America, and have met other Americans here for various reasons; yet I am drawn to know more about these people, and their diversity of culture.
I'm here for the long ride I think, well, just let things "unfold" and enjoy the journey here in this land of rolling hills and mountain ranges, exotic birds and wildlife, and beautiful blue skies.

The importance of a decision

Every moment of my life, is a decision.
This must be true, because I am here.
I am here, because I chose to get out of bed this morning.
I put on clothes, walk to the next place I decide to be,
and begin doing my next thing.

I mean, break it down...
Are there times when I chose NOT to get out of bed?
of course there is.
In fact, pretending it is NOT a choice, doesn't diminish the truth.

I know now, that I am capable of feeling so heavy inside,
it is possible to NOT choose to get out of bed for weeks.
It is in that choice I learned something about myself.
I can, without even trying hard, get myself "stuck" in a place with very few exits.
No exit signs over the door, well, maybe i can't see them, because I'm in the dark.
Why am I in the dark? Is it because there is no light?
Or is it because my eyes are closed too tightly?

There came a time when I knew I couldn't spend the rest of my life in bed,
not functioning, despairing, almost.... without hope... not wanting to feel.
Skipping life, as easily as skipping class in school. Just don't show up.
Just don't engage. instead, choose to feel the pain.... that's it,
I'll give myself permission to feel the emotional pain I'm experiencing.
Then what? How long do I choose to live in this dark limbo?
Weeks later... I decided, I could get out of bed,
and respond to the help offered so lovingly from my husband, and friends.
I began then to chose to leave what numbed me.
Wasted hours and days and weeks of life, I just never showed up for life.

I broke it down.... slip my legs over the edge of the mattress, touch floor with feet,
take a step, repeat steps to the next place I want to be. Repeat....until I cared about myself and someone else enough, to take the baby steps up and out of the dark places I hid in.
Those little steps led to larger steps, then , skips and sometimes even strides in the journey.
I'm walking again, sometimes slow, and sometimes skipping along, enjoying the motion.
I took myself to places of help, where someone could listen, ask important questions I did not chose to ask myself. And show me the exit signs. My choice was to walk toward them,
grasp the door handle (or on occasion push) to get through the pain, and back into life.

I'm breathing again. (the circumstances which put me into bed, remain unchanged)
The only thing I've learned from this experience is: I needed to stop putting on a brave face, for others who asked about my sadness. I needed to grieve the unilateral loss of a relationship with my daughter. And after letting myself feel that pain, I found that I didn't want to live there anymore. So I chose.... Life is a choice.




Do I own my decisions? not always...